Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize