U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
