In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
