I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
