Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
