why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
