Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
