My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
