Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
