I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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