WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
