when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
