Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I currently don't understand fingers.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
