she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
