I want to have your abortion
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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