and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
