Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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