The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
