the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
