11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize