I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
