Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
