she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
