he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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