he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
