May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
