i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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