I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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