I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
