She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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