just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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