You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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