New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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