Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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