I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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