Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
