I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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