he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
