I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
