i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
