what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
