his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
