I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
