I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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