this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
