Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
