I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize