K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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