So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bring money and cleavage
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
