i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
