community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
