We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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