you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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