just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
