sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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