Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
