I looked at my own cervix.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
