I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
