As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A bitchslap is in order.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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