i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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