Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
