she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
