are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize