i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The ass gains better be worth it
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