like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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