I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize