I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
