honey bunches of taint.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
