You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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